What would YOU wish for?

After the last 2 weeks I have had, I needed a good laugh. I know I have not wrote my blog for a while now, but I promise I will get back to it ASAP. In the meantime, here is a great joke I read the other day. I hope you enjoy it as well.

A man walks into a bar, and his head is an orange.

He sits down, orders a drink. The bartender eyes him warily, but gets him what he wants. The man sits sipping the drink, idly watching the soccer game on the bar television. After a while, he runs dry and orders another.

"Tell you what," says the bartender, "this next one's on the house -- but you've got to tell me what happened to your head. I don't mean to be rude there, but..."

The man smiles. "No, not at all. I get this all the time.

Well, it started with the Gulf War. I was a young kid fresh out of high school, but I was poor. I needed money for college, and the Army looked like a good way out of the ghetto. But then they shipped me over to Kuwait. My platoon took some heavy fire during Desert Storm, and I was separated from them.

I wandered the desert for days, with only the contents of my pack to sustain me. I ran out of water, I ran out of food. I was desperate, on the edge of death -- when suddenly, I saw a glint of metal in the distance...

I forced myself onward, hoping the shining brightness was a glint of gunmetal from my platoon, or a city on the horizon, or anything. When I finally reached it, it was a piece of metal half-buried in the sand. I dug around it and excavated what appeared to be an old Persian oil lamp.

There was an inscription on the lamp, too covered in dust to read. I rubbed at the embossed lettering -- and then, a swirl of smoke and light surrounded me. Suddenly, before me, stood a ten-foot tall being, dressed in traditional Arabian garb, arms crossed.

'I am the Genie of the lamp,' said the entity. 'For releasing me, I shall grant you three wishes. What is your first wish, my master?'

I was incredulous, of course. I deduced I must be hallucinating, that this was desert madness. I decided to test the mirage. 'Alright,' I tasked it, 'I wish for a wallet with a million dollars in it, that I can never lose, and whenever I take any money out of it the sum is immediately replenished.'

'Your wish is granted!' boomed the Genie. I felt a bulge in one of my uniform pockets. Reaching in, I pulled out a new wallet, stuffed to bursting with crisp, new American bills. I counted them -- sure enough, it was a million dollars. I ripped up the bills, cast them to the four winds, and threw the wallet as hard as I could. The moment it was beyond my sight, it teleported instantaneously back to my pocket, refilled with another million dollars.

'What is your second wish, my master?'

I pondered the notion for a long moment, assessing my needs. 'Genie,' I said, 'for my second wish, I want to be transported to a cool, abandoned palace, into a harem room with a hundred beautiful young virgins who will all fall madly in love with me at first sight, before a buffet table set with a feast fit for a king.'

'Your wish is granted!' Poof! I found myself in a royal harem, escaped from the heat of the desert. All around me, nubile girls eyed me with keen interest. In front of me, every conceivable type of meat was roasted to perfect tenderness, set with all the appetizers, side-dishes, salads, soups, and desserts of the four corners of the globe.

I dined until I was near-bloated. Several hours later, laying upon a bed of feathers, brown and blonde and red haired beauties cuddling with me, the Genie stood before me, looking down in satisfaction at his work so far.

'What is your third wish, my master?'

I thought long and hard. Truly, this last wish tasked the very limits of my imagination, my beliefs, my ethics, my philosophy. Hours passed in silence, save for the gentle snoring of the ladies surrounding me.

At last, I spoke.

'Genie, for my third wish, I want a big orange head.'

It's not me, it's YOU!

Reprinted, but I thought this HAD to be shared.......

I could have taken a picture of you and posted it here to publicly shame you, but I didn't. That's because I am not trying to be vindictive, ma'am. I'd merely like to answer that question you posed. This can be what the politicians call a "teachable moment" for you and everyone like you.

See, I was in line at that particular fast food establishment yesterday. You probably didn't notice me -- I assume you didn't notice any of us from the way you blatantly barged to the front. I was about to tap you on the shoulder and politely explain how lines are supposed to work in a civilized society, but I could tell you were in the throes of an ungodly rage. I figured this must be an emergency. My God, you were practically foaming at the mouth. I thought maybe someone at the counter had killed your dog, or framed you for a murder you didn't commit, or urinated in your oatmeal this morning.

Obviously something serious was going on.

Then you suddenly screamed, "NO ketchup! I said NO ketchup!"

Okay, so maybe this wasn't a dire situation. It was a condiment situation. Not exactly life or death, but close enough, I guess. The girl at the cash register looked confused. I don't blame her, some irate middle aged woman just barreled in the door yelling about ketchup. She asked you for some clarification, which was reasonable, but apparently you didn't think so.

"What's wrong with you people?! I just sat in the drive thru for ten minutes and now I have to come in here because you guys can't understand f*cking English! I ordered this burger with NO ketchup but of course I get it with gobs of ketchup. Unbelievable. This happens every f*cking time!"

Wait, it's unbelievable yet it happens every time? Hmmm. And your ketchup specifications are this important to you yet you continually come to the one place in town that apparently has a ketchup obsession? There are literally six other fast food joints within a two mile radius, but here you are at the one place that screws up your order "every f*cking time." Interesting. Logical thinking isn't exactly your forte, is it?

The poor girl at the counter, who likely had no hand in this ketchup fiasco, offered to give you a new burger, plain and dry, just as you prefer. But that wasn't good enough, was it? Their failure to obey your demands must be punished.

"No, I don't want a new burger. Give me your name and the number to corporate. I'm sick of this sh*t. Give me my money back and the number to your corporate office! Why can't I ever f*cking get good customer service?!"

And the exchange went on from there. You of course handled yourself like a woman of culture and dignity, while the fast food employee and her manager tried everything to find a remedy for the Tragic Ketchup Calamity. It ended with you promising to get them all fired as you stormed out. Then I finally had my turn at the counter. I ordered a burger. With extra ketchup.

Now, I replay this back to you because I realize you probably scream profanities at minimum wage customer service representatives every time you run an errand or grab a bite to eat, so you might not recall the specifics of this one incident. And that brings us to the possible answer to that query you posed in the midst of your ketchup rant. You asked: "Why can't I ever f*cking get good customer service?" Well, ma'am, that might have something to do with you being a vulgar, miserable, malicious person. Maybe you get bad customer service because you're a bad customer. Did you ever consider that possibility?

I get it. "You're the customer so you're always right." They work here so they have to bend over backwards for you "because that's their job." Well, you're partially correct about that. Yes, you are a customer and, yes, they do work here. But it's actually not their job to deal with psychopaths. They aren't hostage negotiators, they're fast food workers. And even if the powers that be at these corporate chains push this "customer is always right" crap because they've decided it's good business to placate horrible jerks, in the real world, outside the land of plastic chairs and soda fountains, adults who throw temper tantrums in public are never right about anything.

I'm sure some people might take your side. They might come to your defense by telling their own horror stories about all the times when customer service has failed to live up to their standards. Those folks are under the same delusion as you. They think their hallowed "customer" status somehow gives them the right to treat everyone with a uniform and a name tag like garbage. They think their past encounters with sub-par service makes it acceptable for them to fly off the handle about ketchup every once in a while. They think the rules of basic decency and respect come second when they are
The Customer. And they're wrong.

Do you ever wonder why we have so many atrocious politicians in Washington? Well, you shouldn't wonder. Just look in the mirror. Bad politicians are generally bad because they can't handle power. It goes right to their head and they become narcissistic, petty, controlling sociopaths. But at least it's a lot of power so the temptation to be corrupted by it is almost understandable. You, on the other hand, become a maniacal tyrant when society hands you temporary and meaningless power over 17-year-old fast food cashiers. I shudder to think what you'd do if you had an army at your disposal.

We all get a little unwanted ketchup every now and again, and we are all expected to handle it like mature and decent adults. Some of us manage to make it through our whole lives without ever feeling the need to berate restaurant or retail employees over some small and fixable mistake. Other folks, such as yourself, seem to get into a customer service Battle Royale every time they step outside their house. Maybe it's because the universe is against you guys. Or maybe -- just maybe -- it's because you behave like selfish obnoxious bullies.

Just something to think about.

Oh, and I'm betting you actually forgot to say "no ketchup" when you placed your original order. Wouldn't that be a totally expected twist to this captivating saga?

This post originally appeared on Matt's blog: themattwalshblog.com

Maybe I should have said something.

I saw you on the Manhattan-bound Brooklyn Q train.

I was wearing a blue-striped t-shirt and a pair of maroon pants. You were wearing a vintage red skirt and a smart white blouse. We both wore glasses. I guess we still do.

You got on at DeKalb and sat across from me and we made eye contact, briefly. I fell in love with you a little bit, in that stupid way where you completely make up a fictional version of the person you're looking at and fall in love with that person. But still I think there was something there.

Several times we looked at each other and then looked away. I tried to think of something to say to you -- maybe pretend I didn't know where I was going and ask you for directions or say something nice about your boot-shaped earrings, or just say, "Hot day." It all seemed so stupid.

At one point, I caught you staring at me and you immediately averted your eyes. You pulled a book out of your bag and started reading it -- a biography of Lyndon Johnson -- but I noticed you never once turned a page.

My stop was Union Square, but at Union Square I decided to stay on, rationalizing that I could just as easily transfer to the 7 at 42nd Street, but then I didn't get off at 42nd Street either. You must have missed your stop as well, because when we got all the way to the end of the line at Ditmars, we both just sat there in the car, waiting.

I cocked my head at you inquisitively. You shrugged and held up your book as if that was the reason.

Still I said nothing.

We took the train all the way back down -- down through Astoria, across the East River, weaving through midtown, from Times Square to Herald Square to Union Square, under SoHo and Chinatown, up across the bridge back into Brooklyn, past Barclays and Prospect Park, past Flatbush and Midwood and Sheepshead Bay, all the way to Coney Island. And when we got to Coney Island, I knew I had to say something.

Still I said nothing.

And so we went back up.

Up and down the Q line, over and over. We caught the rush hour crowds and then saw them thin out again. We watched the sun set over Manhattan as we crossed the East River. I gave myself deadlines: I'll talk to her before Newkirk; I'll talk to her before Canal. Still I remained silent.

For months we sat on the train saying nothing to each other. We survived on bags of skittles sold to us by kids raising money for their basketball teams. We must have heard a million mariachi bands, had our faces nearly kicked in by a hundred thousand break dancers. I gave money to the beggars until I ran out of singles. When the train went above ground I'd get text messages and voicemails ("Where are you? What happened? Are you okay?") until my phone ran out of battery.

I'll talk to her before daybreak; I'll talk to her before Tuesday. The longer I waited, the harder it got. What could I possibly say to you now, now that we've passed this same station for the hundredth time? Maybe if I could go back to the first time the Q switched over to the local R line for the weekend, I could have said, "Well, this is inconvenient," but I couldn't very well say it now, could I? I would kick myself for days after every time you sneezed -- why hadn't I said "Bless You"? That tiny gesture could have been enough to pivot us into a conversation, but here in stupid silence still we sat.

There were nights when we were the only two souls in the car, perhaps even on the whole train, and even then I felt self-conscious about bothering you. She's reading her book, I thought, she doesn't want to talk to me. Still, there were moments when I felt a connection. Someone would shout something crazy about Jesus and we'd immediately look at each other to register our reactions. A couple of teenagers would exit, holding hands, and we'd both think: Young Love.

For sixty years, we sat in that car, just barely pretending not to notice each other. I got to know you so well, if only peripherally. I memorized the folds of your body, the contours of your face, the patterns of your breath. I saw you cry once after you'd glanced at a neighbor's newspaper. I wondered if you were crying about something specific, or just the general passage of time, so unnoticeable until suddenly noticeable. I wanted to comfort you, wrap my arms around you, assure you I knew everything would be fine, but it felt too familiar; I stayed glued to my seat.

One day, in the middle of the afternoon, you stood up as the train pulled into Queensboro Plaza. It was difficult for you, this simple task of standing up, you hadn't done it in sixty years. Holding onto the rails, you managed to get yourself to the door. You hesitated briefly there, perhaps waiting for me to say something, giving me one last chance to stop you, but rather than spit out a lifetime of suppressed almost-conversations I said nothing, and I watched you slip out between the closing sliding doors.

It took me a few more stops before I realized you were really gone. I kept waiting for you to reenter the subway car, sit down next to me, rest your head on my shoulder. Nothing would be said. Nothing would need to be said.

When the train returned to Queensboro Plaza, I craned my neck as we entered the station. Perhaps you were there, on the platform, still waiting. Perhaps I would see you, smiling and bright, your long gray hair waving in the wind from the oncoming train.

But no, you were gone. And I realized most likely I would never see you again. And I thought about how amazing it is that you can know somebody for sixty years and yet still not really know that person at all.

I stayed on the train until it got to Union Square, at which point I got off and transferred to the L.

Since you been gone........

Ok, it's been awhile. TOO much has happned to putit all in this little update. It took us 3 weeks, but  wefinally found a new home to live in. I have a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE ist of peoplke I have to thank, but that will come later. The good news is.....

I'm back, baby.

We are super busy getting things moved in, so the updates will come slow, but I promise more stories, more laughter and more live cage dancing on mmy part. Too bad accept it!

Stay tuned......and thank you for sticking with me. :)

Fudge.

Fudge.

I want to use stronger words, but why bother.

Fudge.

I have to find some solace in this situation, but there is none that I can see.

Fudge.

I have exhausted all resources that could have helped us out. Friends, local programs, Goodwill and even churches.

Fudge.

Just, fudge.

Goodnight.

I really wanted to finish my countdown. I really wanted to share my love for music with everyone. But right now, I can't. I just.....can't.

I have too many things on my mind right now. Hell, I don't even have the energy to do my nightly Caption Contest. This may be the last time for quite awhile that I post to this blog.

My family and I are facing the reality of becoming homeless. I fought what I thought was a good fight against what I consider to be deplorable living conditions in our rental apartment. I'll know tomorrow if we have a leg to stand on. I don't really know what's going to happen.

So, if we don't ever meet again in this blog, just know that I loved writing it. It was something I always wanted to do. Sadly, nothing interests me at this moment. I have no desire to do anything.

I have a family to worry about. My family needs a roof over their heads. My family needs food on the table.

So, goodnight. Thanks for reading.

By the way, #1 was Foo Fighters - Everlong.

#12 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Unwritten Law - Save Me

Always followed this band from their start back in the very early nineties. From California, their breakout sone "Seeing Red" was a staple on rock radio for a long time. I love the music, but I LOVE this song.

There are SO many ways to look at this song. Drug addiction, loss of a girlfriend, dying and so forth. All of it caused by the first thing I mentioned. The song to me is basically a goodbye to everything because he has too much fun doing what he does, and he has accepted the fact that one day he will be dead because of it, and there is nothing anyone can do. By the time he regrets his choices, it's too late.

The song, from the 2005 CD "Here's To The Mourning", has one of the coolest videos I have seen. There is an extended, un-cenosred version of it that is available on the greatest Hits DVD. If you look hard enough, you can find it online.

Here is "Save Me" from Unwritten Law.

Psst......do you wanna see the uncensored version? Here you go..... http://vimeo.com/2542385

See ya next time!

#13 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Matthew Good Band - Hello Time Bomb.

The best band you may never have listened too. Canadian rockers flying under the radar for years. This song was their biggest single released, it was nominated for a Juno Award for best single in 2000. The video and song was a KIND OF departure from their usual songs. I have been a big fan for years.

I remember hearing this song while still recovering from GBS. The CD Beautiful Midnight, from which launched this song as it's first single, was in my Pathfinder when I first started driving on a regular basis after being sick for so long.

If you are interested, check out the other songs floating around out there by MGB.  I highly recommend them.

From the 1999 CD, Beautiful Midnight I present Hello Time Bomb.

And just for good measures, check out another AWESOME song from Matthew Good Band. This one is called Strange Days. We can probably all learn something from this video.

See you next time!

#14 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Taproot - Mine

Another tune that blasts out of the gate. I came across this band by accident and fell in love with them. This isn't the biggest songs from them, but it's my favorite. "Poem" from the same CD was the 5th most played rock song of 2005. Another band rocking right out of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

To me it seems that this is a love song, and yet a controlling love. You can read it either way I guess. I like to think that it's about a love that he can't see himself without.

From the 2002 release "Welcome", here is Mine.

Oh what the hell, here is Poem as well. Rock on!

See you guys next time as I continue my countdown of my 20 favorite songs from the last 20 years!

#15 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Alice In Chains - Again.

This song just rips out of the gate, and throws you out the back door before raiding your fridge, and stealing your car. One of the best guitar riffs from them, EVER! This is one of those songs that is not only underrated, but will never get old for me. It may not be the best song from AIC, but it's in the top 5. For me, it's number 15 in my countdown. I had it playing in the car when I was going back to the hospital the day my son, Nolan was born.

Released in 1996, the video is the last one that Layne Staley was part of. Every other video after this that had him in it was just stock footage. He wore long sleeves in the video due to the horrendous bruises that covered his arms. (Supposedly from heroin use.....but not confirmed).

Sadly after the death of Layne Staley's ex-fiancée, Demri Lara Parrott, he was never the same. He was seen, and only recorded a few tracks after that. and went into a downward spiral.

April 19, 2002 he was found in his apartment. He had been dead for 2 weeks. He is still greatly missed to this day.

From the 1995 CD, it was also included in 2 box sets and a greatest hits disc.

Alice In Chains - Again

#16 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Fenix TX - Threesome.

A pretty underrated song released in 2001. I used to BLAST this in my headphones while playing Soldier Of Fortune 2 on my computer. It really got the blood going. Then again, I usually drank about 8 beers at the same time so Kenny G would probably have the same effect.

The CD was always in my first 10 in the rack on my desk, and I always had it on the computer ready to go. This song was actually playing on the now defunct MTV-X when I found out my divorce to my first wife was final via US mail. I proceeded to crank it up even louder.

The band broke up soon after this CD was released. A damn shame too. The band had a lot of promise. I would have loved to have seen more albums from them.

From the 2001 release Lechuza, here is Threesome.

#17 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Rise Against - Swing Life Away.

Who didn't like this song? It BLEW me away when I first heard it. It could be the story of all our lives. Everyone can relate to it. Even the video is like you getting in the car, putting on a mix tape and hanging out on the corner with your friends.

From Wikipedia: "The lyrics are optimistic and speak of contentment with a less-than-perfect life."

Released in 2004 from the Punk Goes Accoustic, it still remains a staple on my playlist.

Coming in tied is another one from Rise Against. "Hero Of War"

A moving tribute to veterans who saw so much anguish, and the trauma they had to go through fighting in a war. NOBODY knows what they have to deal with. Before you judge anyone in the military, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. They do the job they do so you don't have to, and they don't get the appreciation they deserve.

"He said son, have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say if I said that you could?
Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid.
I said that sounds pretty good."

Nobody knows what to expect. No matter what you THINK you're going to see, you are NEVER ready for what you actually do.

From the 2008 album Appeal To Reason, Rise Against - Hero Of War.

Check back this weekend as the countdown continues.

#18 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

John Mellencamp - Your Life Is Now

This album was the first thing I listened to when I got out of the hospital after having GBS. The whole time I was in there, I only had 3 CDs that would play, so needless to say I needed something else. This track was the first one that came on. From his self-titled album released in 1998. I listened to some of his music, but not a lot. This song however grabbed me, and I instantly fell in love with it.

It was also the first song I ripped from a CD on to my computer. I still have the original rip saved on  a back up disc. Making it the oldest rip in my music collection. It's an uplifting song, and the violin is so well blended into the song that it seems to flow with the vocals.

Please enjoy Your Life Is Now, my #18 song in my countdown.

Come back tomorrow for #17. Once again, it's a tie between two song. (Hey, my countdown my rules!)

#19 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

The White Stripes - Icky Thump/The Hardest Button To Button

Yeah, it's a tie between these two drum beating power songs. You just can't deny that when you hear Icky Thump, you just get energized. It's a damn shame they are not making music anymore.

"You can't be a pimp and a prostitute too!"

Great line. Released in 2007. Here is the video:

Cannot deny the Icky Thump! I suggest this get cranked on 11. Now let's check out The Hardest Button To Button....


Not only is this a total jam, but the video is just plain awesome. I LOVE a chick that holds her drumsticks in her mouth why wailing out a bass drum beat. One of the best bands to come out of Michigan. Filmed in around Manhattan, even though many think it was filmed in Detroit. Look closely and you'll see Beck make an appearance at about 2:25 giving Jack White a box. Released late in 2003 I still listen to this song at least once a week.

Check out the video:

If you're a fan of The Simpsons, you will remember the cameo that The White Stripes had in an episode. I laughed so hard. Bart is jamming this song, when THIS happens....

Classic. Check back again for the next 18 in my countdown of my personal favorite tunes of the last 20 years.

See ya!

#20 in the countdown of my personal favorite songs of the last 20 years.

Coming in at #20 is a hauntingly beautiful song from Mazzy Star. "Fade Into You". If you have not heard this son, and seriously if you haven't you need to, you will be ear massaged by Hope Sandoval's incredible voice.

"So Tonight That I May See" is the name of the album this song is found on, and I highly recommend it. Released in 1994 it reached #44 on the Billboard charts, but it should have charted better in my opinion. I often played this song when I worked at WKPK for the Lovers Lane Slow Jam at midnight.

The song is supposedly about someone who is in love with an addict that doesn't even know he is pushing everything away. She gives her all, and he is too caught up in his problem that he isn't even aware that he is loved.

I always thought more into it. To me the song is about love that goes unnoticed, and by the time you realize what you had, it's too late.

"Strange, you never knew........."

I love this song. It is a song that was written from the heart. They rarely write songs like this anymore. And when someone does, it gets drowned out by assembly line music that is written it 5 minutes, and shoved down your throats as" Today's Hits!" Sad.

Enjoy, Fade Into You by Mazzy Star.

Coming up, my personal Top 20 songs since 1992 and the story behind why I like the song!

Starting on Friday, I will be posting my personal top 20 songs of the last 20 or so years. There is a story behind each one, and I hope you'll enjoy the tale.

I get A LOT of people who asked me over the years if I had to do a "Top 25 songs of all time" list, what would they be? That's a tough one to call. I know that Led Zeppelin's "Ten years Gone" is in my Top 5. Maybe someday I'll cover that list.

Anyone that knows me, KNOWS my love for 90's rock. I have awesome memories of those years, and I'm going to share at least 20 of them over the next dozen or so blogs. (I may post 2 songs a day, we'll see.)

Anyways, stick around. It all starts tomorrow.

 

I'll quote Louis C.K. today......(some profanity)

Believe it or not, I can relate to this. Something similar happened to me several years ago. Enjoy......

 

 

"I was taking a shit the other day and my wife was out of the house. So I have to shit with the door open 'cause I have to watch my kids. Otherwise, I have to gather them in to watch Daddy shit. That's the only alternative. So I'm shitting with the door open and I'm watching my daughter who's standing there in a t-shir...t and no diaper. I'm watching her from behind and just a little dark spot appears between her butt cheeks. Honestly, for a second, I didn't realize what it was because I've never just seen an ass shitting in the open. Then the next thing I know a fucking man-sized crap just fucking ... She shits on the floor and then -- keep in mind I'm shitting at the moment -- she slips on her own shit, falls deeply into it, and cracks her head. Now she's lying in her own shit and crying her eyes out 'cause she got hurt. And I, with shit hanging out of my ass, have to get up and wobble over. I gotta do the penguin walk and pick her up and comfort her. We're both covered in my shit, her shit. The dog is trying to lick it off because the dog loves my daughter's shit. That's my house." - Louis C.K

Back to "normal".

Now that my Autism Awareness 2013 fundraiser is done, I can back to a regular schedule of blogging. Look for new stories, and funny things to be posted here in the coming days.

By the way, we raised nearly $800 this year. Well above last years amount. HOORAY! I couldn't have asked for a better group of people who helped spread the word!

In the meantime, here is a great article about Dave Grohl I found just awesome, courtesy of NME. Please enjoy it, and I'll see you this week!


1. He has a special party trick: "I can speak with a whistle. It's hard to explain, but I can speak without using my voice. I can speak while whistling. I've never seen anyone else do it."

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2. He still can't listen to Nirvana because it reminds him of the death of his friend, Kurt Cobain: "I immediately remember what it was like the day we recorded - the food or the f--king snowstorm. It's like opening a box of old pictures and I don't like to do that too often."

3. Japanese porn freaks him out: "It's creepy because it doesn't look like anyone is enjoying what they're doing," he said. "They make it seem like crime, and I'm not into that."

4. Aged 10, he stole green apple-flavor chewing tobacco. It made him so sick, he never touched it again.

5. He has enough Grammys to use one as a door stop: "For the longest time I used a Grammy to hold my bedroom door open because it never would stay open. And now I have them on a shelf."

6. He's scared of tiny dinosaurs: "I took a couple of hits of acid on a boat from England to Belgium once, and I wound up running in circles for three hours, hallucinating that tiny dinosaurs were chewing everybodys ankles. That was f--ked up. I didn't come down for 12 hours."

7. He was awarded a key to his hometown of Warren, Ohio, which also named 'Dave Grohl Alley' after him.

8. He was banned from driving in Australia after being caught drunk on a scooter in 2000.

9. He once served as a climate change ambassador alongside Sienna Miller, Heather Graham, Josh Hartnett, Brandon Flowers and Johnny Borrell.

10. His favorite drummer joke is "How can you tell a drummer is at the door? He doesn't know when to come in."

11. He has plenty of weird fans: "Just the other day someone threw a bra duct-taped to a tennis ball. I just stood there, playing guitar, thinking how this was totally premeditated. Some girl sat around inventing a way to get her bra onstage from 40 rows back."

12. He says the worst job he ever had was at Tower Records in Washington DC.

13. He secretly loves the Spice Girls: "'Two Become One' by the Spice Girls. I couldn't get this song out of my head. It's not even a dance song - it's this slow-jam pop-ballad sh-t. Lord, I just love it and I don't know what to do."

14. He once dreamed of being a helicopter pilot when he was a kid: "I'd take the storm windows off of our house and set them up in this little cage thing around me and sit and pretend I was in a helicopter."

15. He's a huge fan of asparagus: "You'll know your asparagus is ready when you pick it up and it looks like a limp penis."

16. He also loves Cheese - unless it's from a goat, which reminds him of "sucking from a goat's tit." But cow cheese is fine: "With those big supple handlebar nipples, I'll suck the hell out of those."

17. He thinks he'll go to hell: "I'd like to imagine I wouldn't end up in Hell, but I think I have done too much acid and listened to too much death metal to sit on a cloud next to God with angels floating above my head."

18. He's shy of his large nostrils. "I'd get my nostrils tightened, because they are a little large. I have had had a complex about them since I was 12, and Bobby St Francis, my sister's friend, said he could see my brain through my nostrils."

19. "Wasting Light" was inspired by ABBA and the Bee Gees: "I like loads of crazy-a-s, dissonant, distorted rock 'n' roll, but I also love bands whose pop choruses get bigger and bigger."

20. He once had a murderous stalker: "Six months ago there was some lunatic who wanted to fly out to LA with a knife. She had a map of my house and said she was going to kill me, then herself. The FBI locked her up. I was like, 'What? I didn't f--k her, did I?'"

Aquaman can TOO beat Wonder Woman!

Yeah, I'm really writing my blog today. I have been so busy with my Autism awareness 2013 fundraiser, and trying to finish designing a website for a good friend. I forgot how fun it is trying to deal with web hosting and domain sites. But that's ok. It keeps me on my toes.

For anyone who is interested in donating to the fundraiser, you can go here:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/autism-awareness-2013/x/947972

As of the writing of this blog, we have 65 hours left. I would LOVE to reach our goal of $2000 and be able to supply families of autistic children get a new computer tablet. $2000 would allow me to get 10 of these. Let's see if we can do it.

Does anyone else think the Carl Levin looks like Mole Man from The Simpsons? I just looked up at the TV to see him yapping about something, and that's all I could think of.

                                                     See what I mean? Brothers, maybe? I dunno.

I have found myself lately REALLY missing working in radio. I spent nearly 10 years in the industry, and I only left because I fell ill with GBS. I still have all of my air checks on tape, and I'm getting ready to convert most of the to disc. I am SO sick and tired of being disabled. I was SO close to being able to get back to work about 9 years ago, until my heart decided it would have nothing to do with that. Now, I have come to a point in my life that I feel kind of like a failure for not being able to work. I make NO money fixing computers. there is just too much competition. I can't do much, but I know I can still do radio. I still have the voice, and the passion for music. But alas, there are NO jobs in northern Michigan. So I have decided to try to start an internet radio station. If I could pull it off with advertisers, I might be able to feel like I'm a useful part of the workforce again! If there is anyone who reads this blog that has any information about starting one, please let me know through this the comments section.


Has anyone seen the new commercial for Injustice: Gods Among Us? If you love Jason Mewes (Jay)and Kevin Smith (Silent Bob), you have to check it out......

Awesome. Well, I don't really have anything else today. As I said before, if you get a chance, check out our Autism Awareness 2013 Fundraiser at the link above. If you know someone that suffers with autism, or a family in need of more information on how they can get help, please visit http://www.autismspeaks.org/ There is SO much information that can be obtained here. It has been a valuable source for us as we work with our son who has autism.

Enjoy your day and I'll see you back here in a few days!

Let's do this!

Ok, folks. Autism Awareness 2013 has begun. April is Autism Awareness Month, and in honor ofthis, I have started my 2nd fundraiser to help out. Please visit the link below to my fundraiser:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/autism-awareness-2013/x/947972

You can help JUST by spreading the word. This means alot to me, as our son Nolan has autism. There are so many people out there that need help that just isn't available to them. This can at least help a little. ANYTHING you can do to help would be greatly appreciated. Even just spreading the word about autism does more good than you think.

If you don't want to make a donation to my fundraiser, and feel more comfortable donating nationally, please visit http://www.autismspeaks.org/ for a list of things you can do to help.

Many perks are available to those who donate. I would give the shirt off my back to help my son. Other parents would to if they could.

Thank you.

Do you want to help?

I'm preparing the Autism Awareness 2013 Fundraiser. I want to be able to raise enough money to supply families with autistic children computer tablets that can further assist them to help those kids communicate better. As a father with an autistic child, I know how tough it can be working with them. I have the ability to provide my child with the help he needs. But there are SO many others that don't have the money or the information they need to get the help that is important. This fundraiser NOT only raises money, but awareness.


http://thegazette.com/2012/02/17/touch-screen-tablets-help-connect-autistic-kids-with-their-families-and-world/


I have plenty of things I am offering in exchange for cash donations. I have 3 brand new laptops, 20-16GB USB Flash Drives, gift cards and I will also offer 3 month and 6 month free tech support offers from myself as perks. If you or anyone else you know want to help donate either time or goods to the fundraiser, please contact me through this blog, my e-mail or my Facebook page and I will be more than happy to give you details on how you can help.

My goal is to raise enough for 10 Samsung Galaxy Tablets for those families that need them.. 100% of all money raised goes to this cause.

This is something that I believe in, and is very close to my heart. I will start the fundraiser on Sunday March 31st. That will give me enough time to not only prepare, but also give anyone that wants to help, the time THEY need to contact me. Even if it's homemade crafts or even a stuffed animal. all donations as perks will help.

Thank you, and let's do something good.

Stand by.....

Enjoy this video while I prepare my next rant. I have a DOOZY coming on too. Enjoy Volbeat!

Fresh meat and my own personal prison.

In 1988, I lived in Benton Heights, Michigan. It was a not so good time in my life. My 1977 Olds 442 had a seized engine, and I was renting a room in a house that was a miserable existence. I was basically trapped here while my car's engine was being rebuilt by the owner of the house. I would pay my rent, and help with food as well as paying money towards the cost of the rebuild of the motor. It left me with only a few dollars to spend on myself. The guys wife was verbally abusive, and was very scary. I met her years ago, and was a pretty nice person. That is why I accepted their offer to rent a room. Soon after I moved in however, it turned south quickly. He was a nice guy, but he was also fearful of this woman. She was a BIG lady. I mean big and intimidating. I suffered through so many drunk tirades from her, and the best I could do is suck it up, and deal with it until I found a way out.

While living there, I worked at Eagles Super Saver on Territorial Avenue. I loved this job. I was a clerk in the meat department, and that was where I first learned how to cut meat. The boss was a really nice guy, and gave me as many hours that I needed. As a matter of fact, everyone that worked there were good people. There was a dairy farm next door, and every once in awhile, a cow would get loose. We would always help corral the escaped bovine when this happened. One time one of the guys that was working with me helped get one out of our parking lot. So here we are with our meat coats on chasing a cow across the road. One lady yelled out from her car, "Damn, you guys DO have fresh meat!" It was a laugher.....

In the fall of 1988, my Grandmother passed away. She had been alone since my Grandfather died in 1986. It had been my intention to move to Big Rapids late in 1987 to stay with my Grandma and help her out. But when my car blew it's engine I was stuck until I got it fixed. Because of my situation, I had to accept the deal I took to stay in Benton Heights until my car was fixed. These people made it a point to get my car running, but took alot of time doing so. Because of this, I never made it in time to help her. She fell ill, and eventually died. I was heart broken. I loved my Grandma more than anything. I remember telling the people I rented in from that I needed to keep some money out of my check to go to my grandma's funeral. They had planned a trip to the UP that week, and they made me feel so guilty that I couldn't go with them. As a matter of fact they made me PROMISE that right after the funeral, I would find a way to get to the campground where they were staying. I never did go there. I stayed with my parents for a week after the funeral helping them out with the new grocery store they had just opened after my Dad retired from Meijer.

I had my Mother drive me back to Benton Heights after the week was over. I was afraid of what kind of crap I was going to get when I got back there, and it was. For 3 hours after I got home, I was pummeled with guilt and verbal abuse about not getting ahold of them to let them know I wasn't going to meet them. It wasn't until I gave her $200 that I had earned working for my Dad that the abuse stopped. Then she was "proud" of me that I was able to at least contribute some extra money toward food. (Turns out it went more to beer for them than food). It was then that I planned my escape from this prison. The very next day after my engine was fixed and I got my car back (5 months!) I borrowed some cash from a friend and hid it from my landlords. While they were gone I packed up just my clothes and was ready to get out. I put in my notice at Eagles, and was ready to go. I made an excuse that my parents needed me to help them for awhile, and I was going to visit them. They laid SO much guilt on me, but I knew that I was close to getting out.

2 days later, my parents had come back to Saint Joseph to get some stuff to take back north. I jumped in my car with what I could carry and left. I never drove so fast in my life. I met up with them, and followed them to Charlevoix. I never EVER wanted to go through what I went through ever again. I had nightmares about that place for years. Ever had a cockroach crawl out of your pant leg? I did living there. Ever had someone throw a cup of water on you because you were sleeping? I did. Ever had to dig a dead mouse out of a coffee maker and watch someone use said coffee maker that same day? I did. I will never be able to describe the horrible time I had there.

I swore I would never tell this story until she was dead. that was how much I feared this woman. I found out just recently that she died 5 years ago. As mean as it sounds, I hope she burns in hell for the kind of person that she was. It wasn't just me. She did this to a renter before me, and another one after I left. She was just an evil person. I'm surprised her husband survived this witch. All in all I am pretty sure he was a good person, just stuck under the thumb of this monster that was his wife.

I never forgave myself for not going north to help my Grandma when she needed me. And I never forgave that evil woman for keeping me from my freedom. I know it sounds bad. Why didn't I just leave earlier? I had nowhere to go, and no way to get there. I had to basically bide my time. By the time I did, it was too late for some things, but just enough time for others.

Some of my friends that read this will know who I am talking about. I have never told them the entire story of what I had to deal with while living there. Some might know, but the whole story is like a bad made for Lifetime movie.

I'm glad I made it out alive.

Blogger 101

Another day of snow and ice. And that's just in my brain! The snow days we have here in Traverse City are nothing compared to life in Marcellus. When I lived there, snow days didn't exist. What would happen is the buses would come and get you, and hope for the best. We would get stuck 2-3 times a week in the winter, and the district truck would just be dispatched to come get you out. That's why I was SO happy when I got an electronic football game for Christmas in 1979. I always had something to entertain myself when we sat on that bus in the middle of nowhere.

So, as I begin to continue this story, I get that DAMN error from Google again saying that I cannot save my draft, and that this page will close. So now I have to find something funny or entertaining before the page closes.....oh what to post....

I have never tried turduckin. I want to, and maybe someday I will.

I once gave a girl a rose in high school during the "rose sale" and she laughed at me. I heard later the same thing happened to her. Yeah, she gave a rose to another girl, and THAT girl laughed at her.

I did LSD once. I made the mistake of watching The Flintstones. Don't ever do that. I never did again. The LSD OR The Flintstones.

Another little tidbit that I never told anyone. In the Spring of 1986 during my senior year in high school, I had moved out and was on my own. I lived at a house on Niles Ave near the intersection of Niles and Napier. My buddy from school also rented a room in this house, and told me about it. A guy named Jim owned the place and had a business in New Buffalo called "Jim's Lazy Boy Grocery". I ended up moving out in July of that year because Jim was a little weird when he drank. My buddy also bailed. If I remember right, he just simply vanished. I say that because I never heard from him again. Turns out that Jim was molesting boys. Yup. right there in the house I lived in and I never even knew it. I guess it happened when nobody was home. He ended up being arrested and may have even died in prison. I don't know. I never heard about him again either.

Wow, now that I think about it I really want to remember his last name so I can find out if he got what he deserved. If anyone who lived in Saint Joseph remembers him, can you find out his last name for me? I hope he burned.

Anyways, here is something funny for you to watch:

Post 100

Post #100.

Welcome to my little milestone. Took long enough, eh?

Well, I have been away from the blog for quite awhile. To be honest, after all of the trouble Google had fixing my page, I kind of lost my way. I found myself not really wanting to write much. My life has had it's ups and downs, and right now "real" life has been more important than "blog" life, as it should. This had been my release. My way of sharing my life, and hoping for a few good laughs as well. Things change, sometimes rather quickly. I was going to abandon The Daily Skid Mark, as the things in my life over the last  weeks have been overwhelming. My son, Nolan has been diagnosed with ADHD as well as a mild form of Autism. We knew something was wrong, and I had hoped that it was something that would pass, but it didn't. Now he is getting the help he needs, and in time will be able to function as a normal happy child should. TCAPS (our local school district) has been wonderful in the assistance they have given us. I don't know what I would do without them.

My health has been a big concern for me this year. At one point I wasn't even sure if I would be around for my family by summer. I have been so exhausted for no reason at all. I have lost the urge to do most anything. It has been a chore to be able to play with my children. They can tell, and even at their young age, they know Daddy isn't well. I'm just so tired. Physically and mentally. The energy levels are drained. I don't know......

Do I want to continue this blog? Yes. Will I continue this blog? Of course. I may not update it daily, but I will post something on here to entertain and/or inform. But for right now, we'll see how my heath goes.

By the way, I found out my 5th grade teacher in Marcellus that I suspected was a pedophile, died last year. Just thought you would want to know.

I'm going to go take my medication now. All in the pursuit of living for another day.

Marcellus Part 2

I did like going to school in Marcellus. The students were all pretty nice, and the staff was great. My 5th Grade teacher was Mr. Lowery. Now that I look back, I think he may have been a pedophile though. I remember he used to grab the students legs when we were sitting around for reading time. If you were next to him sitting, he would slap his hand down on your thigh, and grip. Wow....that's kind of scary the more I think about that.

I was 6' tall and towered over everyone else in my class. Except for a girl named Laura. She was 5'10". We were like the twin towers of power. During gym class, we would rule the 5th grade basketball world. There was a girl that I really liked. Her name was Debbie Garcia, and I was so in love with her. She was my first "love" in elementary school. We went together for 2 weeks, but I was so shy I hardly even held her hand. My best friend was Jim. I won't say his last name, because later on in the story I will be ripping his dad apart for his psychotic behaviour. Jim and I hung out almost everyday after school. That was the first time I saw "Star Blazers". It was an awesome Japanese anime show that came on at 4pm daily. His parents owned a dairy farm, and I would love to go help Jim do his chores. I got to feed calfs, and watch the dairy milking machines at work. It was pretty cool having free access to a dairy farm and see how it all works.

I collected beer cans. It was a hobby I had started before I moved here. There were SO many country roads and dumps areas that I could find a pile of old cans that had not been touched in 25 years. And because they were steel cans, and deep into wooded areas, they were in great condition. Nowadays, it has been so long that a collector will never see this kind of treasure trove again.

There was a ski resort called Swiss Valley that was not to far from us. The owners daughter was in our class, so we got to go ski all of the time for reduced rates. the first time I ever went was less than fun., I went down the bunny hill just fine, but when I tried to use the rope that was on pulley to take me back up the hill, I fell on my ass. Then when I tried a second time, the rope shredded my non-ski gloves. I had to resort to walking up the hill sideways on my skis JUST to get to safety. I spent the rest of the night sitting in the lodge.

I'm still thinking about that teacher. I think I need to look into that. I'm kind of freaked out.

I will continue next time since I am just waiting for this page to lock up. I'll cover snowmobiles, psycho farmers and my first encounter with WIRX on the radio.

Stay tuned.....

Update: Blog?

It looks like the problem continues. I cannot post any pictures to my blog from my computer. I get about a paragraph into an update, and the "autosave" feature locks up the blog. I'm going to give it 24 more hours, and thenn decide if I have to move my page.

In the meantime, enjoy this video!

The story continues......tomorrow?

I can only fit in so many words before the blog fails AGAIN. Google has promised me (again) that it will be fixed in 24 hours. So, stay tuned for part 2 of my life and times in Marcellus tomorrow.

Ugh.....they better fix this crap!

Dateline: Marcellus Michigan

We moved from Hudsonville, MI to Marcellus in 1978. We went from living in a subdivision to a house in the middle of nowhere 7 miles from town. Now, to say middle of nowhere was exactly that. Our driveway was 1/4 mile long off of a road that was dirt. That is, if it was a straight shot. There were so many curves and hills to it, the length was more like 1/2 mile. The road we lived on was 3 miles long, and had 7 houses and 2 farms on it. We shared our driveway with one other house. We also shared a party line with them. Do you know what a party line is? You have your own phone number, but you share the phone line with someone else. You could pick up the phone and if your neighbor was on HIS phone, you would hear him talking and had to wait until he was off before you could use it. Dumbest thing I ever heard of.

We lived so far out of town that the bus that came to take us to school, was called "Boondocks Trolley" and had it written inside the bus on a sign. We actually live almost right on the Saint Joseph/Cass County border. Our house sat on 10 acres of useless dense woods that served no purpose except for skunks, deer and an occasional stray cow from the farm down the road. Garbage pickup? There was no garbage pickup. We were too far out. We had to make the 15 mile trek to the landfill once a week. It was a lonely area.

The first people my brother and I met were Sam and Chris. I won't mention the last name because they actually may be felons by now, and I wouldn't want them to find me and kill me. They were borderline hillbillies, but pretty nice kids. They had an older brother that had a 1969 Road Runner that he had beaten the crap out of. He loved to get it up to about 60mph, and lock the brakes and put it into a spin to bounce off the road berms on the shoulder of the road. I think he ran moonshine too....not sure. None of them went to school.....at least I never saw them there. They lived just up the road in a house surrounded by piles of scrap, and a huge pond. They had chickens running around that they would randomly shoot pellet guns at, not caring if they killed them or not. If they did happen to kill one, they would just process it by hand and put it in the freezer to eat.

Yup....

Seeing how I just got another blog error, I will have to continue this story tomorrow. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.

Test?

Test.....this is a test. Please work. Did it work? I dunno. Check it again. Ok, check it now. Did it work?


Maybe.

If you can read this, it worked. Enjoy these words.

Sadly, I still cannot insert pictures.

The Daily Skid Mark will be back.

Blog problems continue.

This is about how much I can type before the page gives me an error. I'm still working with Google to fix the problem with my blog page. The Daily Skid Mark shall rise again!

Damaged Blog?

I had a great story with pictures and stuff for today's blog. BUT for some reason my Google Blogger dashboard is not letting me update anything that has a picture. It won't load anything. Period. The story about my living in Marcellus Michigan in 1978-79 HAS to include the pictures I have. Otherwise, it's effect is lost.

So, I will try again tomorrow. I will give you a taste of what will be in the blog though.

1. The useless destruction of a 1969 Plymouth Road Runner.

2. A 4th grade teacher that, now that I think about was probably a sex offender.

3. A farmer that would get a dog. Spend 2 weeks training it, and shooting it if it didn't learn what he wanted it too.

4. School bus routes that took us through such bad roads, that they were called Boondocks Trolleys.

5. A neighbor that would get so drunk that he would pass out and leave his dog outside in dead of winter.

6. Old beer cans and dump sites.

7. Weird rednecks that loved to put chickens in a box and shoot said box with .22 rifles for kicks.

I could go on. So many disturbing things happened there. I will touch base on them when the Blog is fixed.

Slack Attack!

Howdy folks! Sorry I have been absent from the blog. We have had alot going on in our lives, and I needed to concentrate on what is important to maintain some stability. That being said, how are you guys doing?

Update on what I call "The Molding". Seems our choices are slim on what we can do. Either stay here and clean the mold ourselves, or try and find another home to rent. It would be cheaper to just stay here and deal with it, but that leaves a health issue. On the other hand, rentals are so expensive in our area. We can actually afford it, but the security deposit would break us.

So, I have decided that if I can work with our landlord and get the mold issue fixed, we will stay.

Everything else right now is trivial. A roof over our heads come first.

Did you know that the band Sugarloaf was originally called "Chocolate Hair"? I just saw that on Music Choice. Just thought I would throw that out there.

Anyways, I have a great story about living in Marcellus during 1978-1979 I will share with you tomorrow. I know I make alot of jokes about rednecks and stuff but THIS story will just kill you.

Take care! Great to be back!