I am Dad.

I looked at the clock. It said 4:28pm. I was late. VERY late.

My children get out of school every day at 4pm. Now, they could ride the bus, but I enjoy taking them to and from school in the morning and at the end of the day. It's OUR time together, and I always try to make the trips fun. We'll either go to the park, or get a snack or just plain drive around before we go home. I had been late getting them before, but not like this.

I felt horrible.

I got there and was shot some semi-dirty looks from the office ladies. They made it a point to tell me that it was important that they be picked up on time. I already knew this, and it just made me feel worse. I apologized, and we walked out of the school. We went to the park and played for a little while, before we had to pick up Tina from work. I had thrown the whole day off because I took a nap.

I often think to myself how my children see me. I would like to think that I am their hero. A Superdad that is not only fun to be around, but will protect them from any harm. The world isn't perfect, but I want to be as perfect to them as I can. I love my children with ALL of my heart, and I only want what is best for them. Sometimes, I think I fail as a Dad. Not often, but the thought has crossed my mind.

My daughter has a stubborn streak in her, that runs pretty deep. She has been very independent for years, and wants to always do things her way. Even if it means mouthy with us. I encourage her to be creative, and to BE as creative as possible, but how can I tell her how important that is when I scold her for being herself? The answers are never easy.

My son is brilliant. It scares me how smart he is. There has been learning issues in the past, but he has conquered them ten-fold. At almost 5 years old, he is blowing through kindergarten like a champ. He soaks in so much knowledge, and his memory is unreal. He knows exaxctly how many miles we have to drive to get where we are going, and even recites the roads we have to pass to get there. Once he learns something, he never forgets it. For the last couple of years, we have been watching him for signs of Autism however. His social skills and communication skills have showed some suspicious symptoms, and it scares me. When we lived in Charlevoix, he had the assistance of Char-Em to help him through some of the issues he was having, but since we moved, the problems seemed to have returned.

My children are my world, and it absolutely kills me to think that someday, I won't be around for them. I could not live without them, and I would hope that I pass on my lessons of life to them in time to fully understand.

I punish them for being bad, and it makes me feel terrible. Just as I applaud them for doing great, and holding them when I tell them how much I love them. Everyone tries to be a great parent, but I want to be so much more.

Then again, any TRUE parent wants to ALWAYS be more to their kids.

Today is day 2 of my fundraiser for Autism awareness. I want to be able to supply iPads and computers to those who cannot afford them. I know how much an iPad or other tablet can be to autistic children and those with difficulty communicating. I saw how well my son responded with the one he used when we lived in Charlevoix. He continues to make great strides using the laptop here at our house. This is important to me. I have SO many people that I know that will benefit from this fundraiser. Please help. Even if you can't donate, just help me spread the word. Together, we can do this.

Please.