My blog returns tomorrow with an all new story from my very strange past. Until then, please enjoy this quick snippet!
Things that scare the HELL out of The Lollipop Guild:
The Cotton Candy Mafia
The National Association for the Advancement of Circus Peanuts
The Fudge Packers Union
The Church of Satan and Also Candy Apples
The Praline Liberation Organization
The Bureau of Licorice, Gumdrops and Firearms
The Committee to Beat Hell Out of the Oompa-Loompas
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Blogger Returns!
So I took some time off. I know, I already goof off too much, but I have an excuse.
Ok, not really, but I am feeling better. My severely sprained ankle is finally coming around, my asthma is responding well to my meds, and my fatigue and dehydration problem is under control. I just have to KEEP taking care of myself instead of slacking when I'm doing good.
So, here comes Sandy. Please keep everyone in the danger zone in your prayers. I have friends and family that are currently under the gun. It has been a LONG time since I have seen a storm system like this, and probably wont again for a long time. People were thinking out loud today at the gas station about fuel prices that will be affected. Well, I can tell you this. I live in a town where gas prices went from $3.98 to $3.13 and back up to $3.47 all in a two week period. I think we'll be ok here in Traverse City because it's NEVER anywhere near a normal set price. Then again, at any given time, we are ALWAYS .50 cheaper per gallon than Charlevoix. Why is that? I blame communism.Then again, when 9/11 happened I watched ALL of the gas stations in Charlevoix crank up fuel prices in 3 hours to over $1/gallon from where it had been earlier. Price gouging is the WORST kind of asshole move. Companies need to be held responsible. Sadly, it usually gets swept under the rug.
This actually happened to me today. I was getting ready to park and go in the gas station to pay for my gas. A car pulled in front of me and took the handicapped spot I was going to park in. (As you all know, I have SEVERE nerve damage in my feet from GBS not to mention I was still on crutches from my ankle injury) I parked 3 spots over and got out of my car. No sticker on his car, and no plate indicating he was disabled. Now, I see this ALL of the time, and it infuriates me. This time, I decided to confront this person.....
Me: "Excuse me, are you disabled?"
Him: "No, why?"
Me: "Well, do you know that you parked in a handicapped zone, AND cut me off when I was going to park there?"
Him: "Oh, it's ok. My dad is disabled."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Is he with you?"
Him: "Oh, no. He's in Florida right now."
At this point about 6 people looked at him. The lady behind me asked why he had the balls to park there even though, A) He wasn't disabled. B) He had no sticker. and C) Why it mattered if his dad was disabled, and he had nothing to do with him parking where he did.
He literally had NO answer. He was just lazy. There was a VERY vocal lady that was getting ready to leave that just let him have it. Even the clerk scolded him. Three people made some sort of comment to him about what he had done.
His response?
Him: 'You people can fuck off."
And with that he walked out.
So that was just about what I expected his response to be. What an intelligent answer from a lazy asshole that just had to have his canister of chew. Sadly, this happens all of the time. I just wish a police officer had stopped in at that moment for a soda or something. I wanted to drive over him and his car, but I just smiled. Karma is a bitch, and she was pretty pissed.
Just another Monday in paradise. Catch you Tuesday!
Ok, not really, but I am feeling better. My severely sprained ankle is finally coming around, my asthma is responding well to my meds, and my fatigue and dehydration problem is under control. I just have to KEEP taking care of myself instead of slacking when I'm doing good.
So, here comes Sandy. Please keep everyone in the danger zone in your prayers. I have friends and family that are currently under the gun. It has been a LONG time since I have seen a storm system like this, and probably wont again for a long time. People were thinking out loud today at the gas station about fuel prices that will be affected. Well, I can tell you this. I live in a town where gas prices went from $3.98 to $3.13 and back up to $3.47 all in a two week period. I think we'll be ok here in Traverse City because it's NEVER anywhere near a normal set price. Then again, at any given time, we are ALWAYS .50 cheaper per gallon than Charlevoix. Why is that? I blame communism.Then again, when 9/11 happened I watched ALL of the gas stations in Charlevoix crank up fuel prices in 3 hours to over $1/gallon from where it had been earlier. Price gouging is the WORST kind of asshole move. Companies need to be held responsible. Sadly, it usually gets swept under the rug.
This actually happened to me today. I was getting ready to park and go in the gas station to pay for my gas. A car pulled in front of me and took the handicapped spot I was going to park in. (As you all know, I have SEVERE nerve damage in my feet from GBS not to mention I was still on crutches from my ankle injury) I parked 3 spots over and got out of my car. No sticker on his car, and no plate indicating he was disabled. Now, I see this ALL of the time, and it infuriates me. This time, I decided to confront this person.....
Me: "Excuse me, are you disabled?"
Him: "No, why?"
Me: "Well, do you know that you parked in a handicapped zone, AND cut me off when I was going to park there?"
Him: "Oh, it's ok. My dad is disabled."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Is he with you?"
Him: "Oh, no. He's in Florida right now."
At this point about 6 people looked at him. The lady behind me asked why he had the balls to park there even though, A) He wasn't disabled. B) He had no sticker. and C) Why it mattered if his dad was disabled, and he had nothing to do with him parking where he did.
He literally had NO answer. He was just lazy. There was a VERY vocal lady that was getting ready to leave that just let him have it. Even the clerk scolded him. Three people made some sort of comment to him about what he had done.
His response?
Him: 'You people can fuck off."
And with that he walked out.
So that was just about what I expected his response to be. What an intelligent answer from a lazy asshole that just had to have his canister of chew. Sadly, this happens all of the time. I just wish a police officer had stopped in at that moment for a soda or something. I wanted to drive over him and his car, but I just smiled. Karma is a bitch, and she was pretty pissed.
Just another Monday in paradise. Catch you Tuesday!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
What I want for Christmas.....
The main factor behind the success of Pokémon is so bafflingly obvious that I'm sure thousands of toy executives are beating themselves in the head daily. If you want to make a toy that appeals to both boys and girls, there's no need to break down centuries of gender role stereotyping. Heavens no!
Just make cute little cuddly characters that beat hell out of each other! HOORAY!
It's a darned shame this approach didn't occur to our nation's crap-hawkers a decade ago, or else we could have seen all sorts of interesting and-cartoon creations. To wit:
Just make cute little cuddly characters that beat hell out of each other! HOORAY!
It's a darned shame this approach didn't occur to our nation's crap-hawkers a decade ago, or else we could have seen all sorts of interesting and-cartoon creations. To wit:
Strawberry Smackdown
The sweet smell of fresh berries mingles with the scent of sweat and blood as adorable moppets with mayhem on their mind climb into the eighteen-foot steel cage they call "The Berry Patch."
Smurfs: The Reckoning
There can be only one. The Smurfs come to the sudden instinctual realization that they are destined to behead each other until only one survives.
Hello Kitty, Goodbye Teeth
Snapping from the accumulated rage of years of two-dimensional minimalist whimsy, Hello Kitty takes it upon herself to beat all of her little friends into a pulp for no clear reason. She has no mouth, and she must pummel!
My Lethal Pony
Dozens of killer ponies with pictures of assorted weapons, symbols of death, and severed body parts garishly tattooed on their flanks live in a constant state of war and strife. Try and comb their hair and you may lose a finger.
Baby Killed-A-Guy
This precious infant with a dark past comes with a certificate telling you its name, gender, and how it pleads. You'll love your new baby for 20 years to life!
Friday, October 26, 2012
You COULD get hacked!
Use passwords that are difficult to guess, like "fr349U@br7". In fact, you might want to just copy and paste that one.
It's perfectly fine to use the name of your pet or child as a password. However, for the sake of security, make sure the names of all your pets and children contain several non-alphanumeric characters.
In case someone does manage to crack your password, consider making it something flattering, like "sexxgodd!" or "9hardINCHES".
Never write your password down. Instantly commit every single one of the dozen or so passwords you use to memory, then never forget any of them even if you don't use one for a few months.
Change your password at frequent intervals. Yeah, right.
Hey, wait! What if you just used the word "password" for your password? It's like hiding in plain sight! God, you're clever.
Genius-IQ thirteen-year-olds can guess any password. Kill them on sight.
It's perfectly fine to use the name of your pet or child as a password. However, for the sake of security, make sure the names of all your pets and children contain several non-alphanumeric characters.
In case someone does manage to crack your password, consider making it something flattering, like "sexxgodd!" or "9hardINCHES".
Never write your password down. Instantly commit every single one of the dozen or so passwords you use to memory, then never forget any of them even if you don't use one for a few months.
Change your password at frequent intervals. Yeah, right.
Hey, wait! What if you just used the word "password" for your password? It's like hiding in plain sight! God, you're clever.
Genius-IQ thirteen-year-olds can guess any password. Kill them on sight.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
If I had a third eye.....
Ok, I need to tell you guys something. My health KIND of sucks right now. I have been suffering from a terribly damaged ankle for close to a month and a half now. It just keeps getting worse. And on top of that, my asthma has been wiping me out from this back and forth weather. I find it hard to focus on writing my blog everyday with the amount of pain that I am in. It has been almost a month since I have had more than 3 hours of sleep at night. Stressing about the Autism campaign when I should have get resting? Guilty as charged.
I'm not telling you this for sympathy, it's just that I want you to know that if I don't get a chance to update this page, you will understand why. I will still post funny stories and other things for you to read, but I am going to take the next week off from writing personal material.
So keep your eyes peeled for something here daily, and I will retuyrn to postingf my own stuff a week from today.
Thank you everyone. I love you all. :)
Oh yeah, if I had a third eye? It would be kind of cool.
I'm not telling you this for sympathy, it's just that I want you to know that if I don't get a chance to update this page, you will understand why. I will still post funny stories and other things for you to read, but I am going to take the next week off from writing personal material.
So keep your eyes peeled for something here daily, and I will retuyrn to postingf my own stuff a week from today.
Thank you everyone. I love you all. :)
Oh yeah, if I had a third eye? It would be kind of cool.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Rectum? Hell, it nearly KILLED him!
Sometimes I wonder how I am still around. Seems to me that I have had a dictionary full of medical problems. Such is the way it is right now. I took a spill about 1 1/2 months ago on some steps that were in bad shape. The ankle that I had previous surgery on was once again the victim.
Now, like the idiot I am, I took a "let's see what happens" stance on the injury. Now, 45 days after, I have an ankle that looks like it has been inflated with pain and fluid.
Therefore, I am taking the day off from my blog to try and get some rest.
Oh, and a HUGE thank you to Roxanne Jenkins. She shipped my nachos via UPS! Not put together mind you, but the cheese, salsa and chips. That was awesome! I have the best friends in the world.
Take care!
Now, like the idiot I am, I took a "let's see what happens" stance on the injury. Now, 45 days after, I have an ankle that looks like it has been inflated with pain and fluid.
Therefore, I am taking the day off from my blog to try and get some rest.
Oh, and a HUGE thank you to Roxanne Jenkins. She shipped my nachos via UPS! Not put together mind you, but the cheese, salsa and chips. That was awesome! I have the best friends in the world.
Take care!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Gett off of my lawn, you damn teenagers!
Maggie May from Rod Stewart and American Pie from Don McLean.
These were the first songs that I remember hearing when I was a toddler in 1971. We lived in Elkhart, Indiana where my sister was born. I heard the on the radio at my neighbors house who was babysitting me. Mrs. Marks. A very nice older lady. Turns out years later I would end up working with her granddaughter at NCMC in Petoskey, happened to find out by accident who she was. The world is small after all!
Before I get off track as I usually do, today I want to talk about where my musical influences came from. I can listen to pretty much anything, as I was exposed to a WIDE range of things. The biggest contributors were my two aunts. My Aunt Sally, and my Aunt Linda. My Grandma and Grandpa Haney helped quite a bit as well, but not as much as my aunts.
Evey summer I would spend two weeks in Big Rapids with my grandparents. My Aunt Sally lived just down the road from them, so I would see her and my uncle and cousins whenever I visited. Merle Haggard, Johhny Paycheck and Conway Twitty were the staples at my grandparents house, while a blend of rock was something I listened to at my Aunt Sally's. The Doors, George Harrison and the rest of The Beatles. I could go on....
I remember one record my Grandpa had, it was a song called "Death Highway". It was about how dangerous US131 was and was recorded by a local group I think. I have tried in vain to find any record of this song over the years, with no luck. The line, "The Devil's on 131 and it's death highway" still sticks with me after all of these years. I remember hearing Ides Of March's "Vehicle" being blasted by my Aunt Sally. I still love that song.
My Aunt Linda was kind of the other spectrum. My brother and I would spend weekends at my Aunt Linda's house. She listened to Elvis, Neil Diamond and Abba. It was also the first time I remember seeing cable TV with the push button control box. I loved watching Godzilla movies every Saturday.
We lived in the Grand Rapids area from 1974 until 1978 and during that time, WGRD was always the station I heard. Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Bad Company and Queen ruled the airways. I remember swimming in my friends pool while Paul McCartney and Wings "Let 'Em In" was on the radio. I look back at these times as the BEST time in my life. I loved seeing my Grandparents, and I loved to spend time with my two Aunts.
Ad time rolled on, I got into the usual 80's music, eventually settling for Alternative as my favorite genre. But I still look back at where my roots came from. Whenever I hear Mungo Jerry, I think about my Aunts and I smile. I love them both very VERY much, and I hate that I don't see them as much as I should. My Grandparents passed away in the late 80's. I still have all of the 45rpm records that they had. Some real classics in there. I miss driving to the store with my Grandma, and riding the tractor with my Grandpa. I never really got over missing them. I hope somewhere in heaven, they look down at me and smile whenever I listen to Roger Miller's "King Of The Road."
Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go listen to Johnny Horton sing The Battle Of New Orleans and follow that up with Soundgarden. Yeah, it blends well. :)
These were the first songs that I remember hearing when I was a toddler in 1971. We lived in Elkhart, Indiana where my sister was born. I heard the on the radio at my neighbors house who was babysitting me. Mrs. Marks. A very nice older lady. Turns out years later I would end up working with her granddaughter at NCMC in Petoskey, happened to find out by accident who she was. The world is small after all!
Before I get off track as I usually do, today I want to talk about where my musical influences came from. I can listen to pretty much anything, as I was exposed to a WIDE range of things. The biggest contributors were my two aunts. My Aunt Sally, and my Aunt Linda. My Grandma and Grandpa Haney helped quite a bit as well, but not as much as my aunts.
Evey summer I would spend two weeks in Big Rapids with my grandparents. My Aunt Sally lived just down the road from them, so I would see her and my uncle and cousins whenever I visited. Merle Haggard, Johhny Paycheck and Conway Twitty were the staples at my grandparents house, while a blend of rock was something I listened to at my Aunt Sally's. The Doors, George Harrison and the rest of The Beatles. I could go on....
I remember one record my Grandpa had, it was a song called "Death Highway". It was about how dangerous US131 was and was recorded by a local group I think. I have tried in vain to find any record of this song over the years, with no luck. The line, "The Devil's on 131 and it's death highway" still sticks with me after all of these years. I remember hearing Ides Of March's "Vehicle" being blasted by my Aunt Sally. I still love that song.
My Aunt Linda was kind of the other spectrum. My brother and I would spend weekends at my Aunt Linda's house. She listened to Elvis, Neil Diamond and Abba. It was also the first time I remember seeing cable TV with the push button control box. I loved watching Godzilla movies every Saturday.
We lived in the Grand Rapids area from 1974 until 1978 and during that time, WGRD was always the station I heard. Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Bad Company and Queen ruled the airways. I remember swimming in my friends pool while Paul McCartney and Wings "Let 'Em In" was on the radio. I look back at these times as the BEST time in my life. I loved seeing my Grandparents, and I loved to spend time with my two Aunts.
Ad time rolled on, I got into the usual 80's music, eventually settling for Alternative as my favorite genre. But I still look back at where my roots came from. Whenever I hear Mungo Jerry, I think about my Aunts and I smile. I love them both very VERY much, and I hate that I don't see them as much as I should. My Grandparents passed away in the late 80's. I still have all of the 45rpm records that they had. Some real classics in there. I miss driving to the store with my Grandma, and riding the tractor with my Grandpa. I never really got over missing them. I hope somewhere in heaven, they look down at me and smile whenever I listen to Roger Miller's "King Of The Road."
Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go listen to Johnny Horton sing The Battle Of New Orleans and follow that up with Soundgarden. Yeah, it blends well. :)
Monday, October 22, 2012
Failure? Not quite.....well, kind of.
Well, 21 days has come and gone. I was able to only raise $240 on my Autism Awareness campaign. It wasn't enough to buy even one iPad, but I would like to think that we all did some good. There were so many people that helped share the campaign, and without them, this would have been a complete failure. Times are tough, and I understand that. Maybe my goal was too high. I'm not sure. But what I do know is that I have a great group of friends in my life that were willing to go the extra mile to help.
Thank you.
It has also come to my attention that I lost nearly 30 friends on my Facebook page due to my campaign. I guess they didn't want to be "spammed" with my posts about the Autism fundraiser. For those that were offended, I apologize. You probably won't SEE my apology, but it's here and very sincere. It was NEVER my intention to upset you, and I hope you understand that what I was doing was for a great cause. I am going to try the campaign again in the future, but take a different route. I will have a website dedicated to Autism awareness, that will link to a fundraiser. I will also use Twitter as well as other blogs to get the word out.
If anyone else has any ideas that could help, please do not hesitate to offer advice. I am always looking to improve, and have NO problem with a little assistance. I was so stressed that I was doing this wrong, I lost complete nights of sleep over this. I SO wanted to do SO much more. I still can't help but think I failed miserably.
Anyways, to those who donated, the funds are already going to a good cause. At least some good will come from the $240 that was contributed. It will allow 4 computers to be donated at no cost the people who need them, and the rest will go to setting up a website to help in the next Autism campaign.
PLEASE don't stop spreading the word.
Just got a call from a vaporizer company. They wanted know what my "weed needs" were. Yeah, that never gets old. At least I could understand him.
That's about it for me today. I'm going to rest my brain and see what my next move is going to be. Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done to help with my campaign. Maybe next time, I'll get it right! :)
Thank you.
It has also come to my attention that I lost nearly 30 friends on my Facebook page due to my campaign. I guess they didn't want to be "spammed" with my posts about the Autism fundraiser. For those that were offended, I apologize. You probably won't SEE my apology, but it's here and very sincere. It was NEVER my intention to upset you, and I hope you understand that what I was doing was for a great cause. I am going to try the campaign again in the future, but take a different route. I will have a website dedicated to Autism awareness, that will link to a fundraiser. I will also use Twitter as well as other blogs to get the word out.
If anyone else has any ideas that could help, please do not hesitate to offer advice. I am always looking to improve, and have NO problem with a little assistance. I was so stressed that I was doing this wrong, I lost complete nights of sleep over this. I SO wanted to do SO much more. I still can't help but think I failed miserably.
Anyways, to those who donated, the funds are already going to a good cause. At least some good will come from the $240 that was contributed. It will allow 4 computers to be donated at no cost the people who need them, and the rest will go to setting up a website to help in the next Autism campaign.
PLEASE don't stop spreading the word.
Just got a call from a vaporizer company. They wanted know what my "weed needs" were. Yeah, that never gets old. At least I could understand him.
That's about it for me today. I'm going to rest my brain and see what my next move is going to be. Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done to help with my campaign. Maybe next time, I'll get it right! :)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Simply put.....
Tigers are going to the World Series. Direct quote from Jim Leyland. "Suck it, Omo!®"
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Interestin finds and weed needs!
You never know what you will find wherever you go. Most interesting are the things you see on the side of the road. Or in the case of today, what was IN the road. Today, it was a plunger.
Yup. A little mini plunger. How the toilet accessory found it's way to the middle of a 4-lane intersection, is beyond me. I was actually going to take a picture of it for my caption contest, but traffic was too heavy. I'm sure it will still be there tomorrow.
I have found everything from a carton of smokes, to a 12-pack of beer with 2 cans missing. Last summer there was a coffee maker that sat on the side of the road for 3 weeks before it was finally gone. Weird part? There wasn't a house within 2 miles of where it was.
Did you ever notice the amount of tie straps, or bungee cords you see in the road? You never think about it until someone brings it up. Now wherever you go, you will see them everywhere. Don't believe me? Just watch. They will be there.
Now on to this......
Another observation I have made is that people STILL call me for medicinal marijuana. If You don't know what I'm talking about, our phone number assigned to us from the brainless morons at Charter, used to belong to the local CA that supplied weed to card holders that had prescriptions. The place has been closed for 6 months, but is still listed online as an active operating dispensary. Not only did we pay extra to have our phone number unlisted, Charter is NOT supposed to give residential customers a former number that belonged to a business. The worst part is because it was a business number, we cannot have it on the NO CALL list. I used to get so many calls from people that wanted Romulan Kush or Pink Lady Spice. It had died down a bit, but the last 2 days I have been bombarded with a new round of weed craving robots. Turns out every time I get the number removed from a website, another one links it off 3 or 4 more times. I even threatened legal action to the webmasters that keep posting the number, but it never ceases the bothersome phone calls. Charter's solution? I pay an extra $25 to have our number changed. Even though it's THEIR fault, I have to pay for it.
Dicks.
I had one guy call yesterday call 6 times in 10 minutes, until I finally called him back to ask him what he wanted. He was a total jack-ass and I finally had to tell him to f*ck off. One guy was convinced that he was just there on his birthday in July, even though I told him it had been closed. After 5 minutes of arguing with him, I came to the conclusion that not only was he an idiot, but I had wasted precious time in my life that I would never get back. Now I do however try to guide those that are nice in the right direction. There are several other places that can help them that ARE still open. I know that for every person that abuses the system, there are 4 others that actually need the weed. It's those people I have NO problem helping. The others? Go away.
Want a good laugh? Here are some of the "strains" they have available from the now defunct Traverse City CA. Enjoy!
Yup. A little mini plunger. How the toilet accessory found it's way to the middle of a 4-lane intersection, is beyond me. I was actually going to take a picture of it for my caption contest, but traffic was too heavy. I'm sure it will still be there tomorrow.
I have found everything from a carton of smokes, to a 12-pack of beer with 2 cans missing. Last summer there was a coffee maker that sat on the side of the road for 3 weeks before it was finally gone. Weird part? There wasn't a house within 2 miles of where it was.
Did you ever notice the amount of tie straps, or bungee cords you see in the road? You never think about it until someone brings it up. Now wherever you go, you will see them everywhere. Don't believe me? Just watch. They will be there.
Now on to this......
Another observation I have made is that people STILL call me for medicinal marijuana. If You don't know what I'm talking about, our phone number assigned to us from the brainless morons at Charter, used to belong to the local CA that supplied weed to card holders that had prescriptions. The place has been closed for 6 months, but is still listed online as an active operating dispensary. Not only did we pay extra to have our phone number unlisted, Charter is NOT supposed to give residential customers a former number that belonged to a business. The worst part is because it was a business number, we cannot have it on the NO CALL list. I used to get so many calls from people that wanted Romulan Kush or Pink Lady Spice. It had died down a bit, but the last 2 days I have been bombarded with a new round of weed craving robots. Turns out every time I get the number removed from a website, another one links it off 3 or 4 more times. I even threatened legal action to the webmasters that keep posting the number, but it never ceases the bothersome phone calls. Charter's solution? I pay an extra $25 to have our number changed. Even though it's THEIR fault, I have to pay for it.
Dicks.
I had one guy call yesterday call 6 times in 10 minutes, until I finally called him back to ask him what he wanted. He was a total jack-ass and I finally had to tell him to f*ck off. One guy was convinced that he was just there on his birthday in July, even though I told him it had been closed. After 5 minutes of arguing with him, I came to the conclusion that not only was he an idiot, but I had wasted precious time in my life that I would never get back. Now I do however try to guide those that are nice in the right direction. There are several other places that can help them that ARE still open. I know that for every person that abuses the system, there are 4 others that actually need the weed. It's those people I have NO problem helping. The others? Go away.
Want a good laugh? Here are some of the "strains" they have available from the now defunct Traverse City CA. Enjoy!
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